Ummm, What Just Happened???

WARNING:  This blog is kind of a weird one.  Read at your own risk. :-p

It was 5:30 a.m. on Saturday (my official SLEEP-IN DAY)  when I woke-up to go to the bathroom. (groan)  After I went, I was able to fall back asleep quite quickly for me and ended up having such a peculiar experience, which I am about to share with you.

So.  Since I officially woke-up at 7:30-ish, I am figuring that it was 7:20-ish when I was aware that I was dreaming (although who really knows how much time passed throughout this whole experience I am blogging about?!?!?)  All right.  Here it is:  Here goes nothin’…

In my dream, I can remember being in my dad’s house, but the house was empty of everything–and the color of everything was all washed out–a kind of off-white, cream color, but it was as though I was looking through a sheer white curtain– and I was moving from one room to another in a very sci-fi movie kind of way…buzzing/flying almost…but my legs were glued together and I was moving in and out of rooms as though I were on a super fast conveyor belt (invisible conveyor belt…) from the kitchen to the front room–and I saw images of my father’s house flash before me and the walls were bare, and the color was pale/washed out, and I was the only one in the house.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW I was conscious of my body vibrating and I had a pressure in my ears as though I were on an airplane about to land (or take off, I guess) and my body could not move and I was shaking a bit, from what I remember.  Oh boy.  It was intense.  It was a really strange feeling.  My eyes were closed.  (I don’t think I could have opened them.)  I know I was laying straight/flat in my bed.  I remember thinking, hmm…I am aware of my mind, what I am feeling, my confusion, wondering what the heck was going on, but all the while being completely aware of all my bodily sensations.  I felt a pressure against my body as well.  Okay…am I freaking you out yet?

All I can say is that at first I wondered if I had been astral projecting?  But, after much research I discovered that I was lucid dreaming!~!~  AND I experienced sleep paralysis!~!~  SO COOL.  I am so cool.  I am 1 out of 10, y’all!  1 out of 10.  heehee   I was definitely not planning on lucidly dreaming Saturday morning…I wish I would have written down what I’d eaten the night before…my mental state when I went to bed.  Hrrrmmm.  Now that I know what I did I’m not that scared and kind of want to do it again.  ^^

“Dreams are more real than reality itself, they’re closer to the self.” ~ Gao Xingjian

May 17, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2012, Dreams, High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

2012…Ay yie yie

2012 seems to be a really crumby year.  OK.  I should be more positive.  It is a year that is, ahem…less than stellar that others. Better?  Eh~  I feel fake saying that.

I personally know several people who have suffered very difficult/rotten things and we are only in month four.  Eep.  Watch out, folks.  Guess we are being prepared for the rapture after all…

To boot, I feel really out of whack these days.  Anxious.  Weary.  Confused.  (In a state of confusion, I should clarify…)  I almost feel at times that everything is surreal and I am dreaming it.  All this crapola is beginning to bug me.

To help calm and medicate myself, I have begun eating chocolate in mass quantities.  It might be partially to blame for me feeling like a looney toon.

Anyway, I was talking with a friend recently who shared that her sister has been hearing voices (from ABOVE).  Important: Her sister has a very intense prayer life.  I am going to bump up my prayer life so I start hearing voices (from ABOVE!), too.  Perhaps the voices will tell me to stop eating so much doggone chocolate…

Until then.

I must include a tidbit from Einstein:

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony;  In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

April 12, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . 2012, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

2012

Hrrrmmmm.  2012.  Hrrrmmmm.

I do not feel as though a “new year” full of endless possibilities has arrived.  Strange?  Kind of.  I have never had this feeling before–ever.  In the past, whenever a “new year” has come, I have felt a change.  Small, medium, or huge…I always felt a shift of some sort, a newness, and as though I had a clean slate.  What’s different about this year?

Possibilities:

  • I am just about finished with my Teacher Credential Program…but I feel as those I am stuck in the middle of it still.  No newness there.
  • My life feels very stagnant…even though I know intellectually 2012 will bring a lot of changes in my life, I am in a space right now where I can’t see over the divide.  Does that make sense?
  • I am still battling issues I was battling 10 years ago…mind you, not in the same way or as intensely…but still fighting the good fight (possibly wearing down).
  • I am on the fence as to whether or not 2012 marks the final year of our world as we know it.  Part of me believes that come December 21, 2012…we will all be goners.  The other part of me remembers Y2K and thinks, “La la laaaaa.”

All of those reasons and probably 5 more that I’m not thinking about right now… 2012 just seems like a blah year. 😛

I don’t want to be negative!  It just doesn’t feel energetically charged with happy stuff, that’s all.

““So the Myan calendar ends in 2012. So what? My calendar ends in December. I just buy a new one.”
― Mr. Youngblood, Geography teacher

Cute.  Hopefully we will all still be around on the 22nd of December to laugh about it then, too.

January 8, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . 2012, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Laryngitis? Me? Never! Well… now, I guess. :-?

I started my Student Teaching seminar in late August and since then I have been sick four times.  UGH.  What is UP  (or should I say down?) with my immune system??!   I have had three sinus infections (gee…am I experiencing deja vu???)  and now, I have laryngitis. 😮 Seriously?  I have never had laryngitis before.  It’s kind of a tricky illness.  My body isn’t achy…I *am* tired…but the main trouble of this illness is my very sore *sore* =ouch=pain=discomfort=tightness=no bueno throat and lots of pain when I swallow…a pesky cough that is often phlegmy when it wants to be (Oh, I know…TMI)…and well, a raspy voice that cuts in and out.  Reeeaaaaalllly weird.  You know?  I will start to talk (which, I KNOW I’m not supposed to be talking) and I will feel as though I’m speaking normally but not a whole lot comes out. 😦 Boo hoo hooooo.  I can’t talk!~!~!~!~  What a frightening experience.  I mean, Imma be a teacherrrrr.  Teachers need to do quite a bit of talking…Ay yie yie. 😦

Then of course I am thinking paranoid thoughts and am caught up on this girl I encountered while I was working as a Site Coordinator for a Parks and Recreation office years ago.  She and her fiance were getting married at one of my park sites in town.  Well.  I had never talked with her, only her mother.  Her mother, however, informed me that her daughter had a vocal cord disorder and couldn’t speak normally.  I was on-site during their marriage ceremony and could hear the girl talking into a microphone and it sounded like she had laryngitis!!! But,  laryngitis every day of your life?!?!?!?  How frightening.  It sounded as though she was fighting to get words out.  Lord.  Please don’t let that happen to me.  Amen.  <–Quick little prayer.  Say it with me–Amen!  Oh my goodness.

Oh, this poor woman from the '40s suffered just like I am. I feel ya sista'.

I need to kick this laryngitis stuff in the tushy.  Acute laryngitis lasts for three days or less.  This is Day Two for me.  Cross your fingers that the constant, nonstop warm ginger-lemon-honey tea I’m drinking will cure me.  Today is Sunday.  Lemme break my laryngitis experience down for y’all in case you’re ever in a similar situation:

Tuesday night:  TERRIBLE throat pain when I laid down in bed to go to sleep.

Wednesday: Woke up in total body pain (very flu-like feeling ) and a sore throat…body pain subsided after I was up for 1 hour.  Sucked on cough drops throughout the day and took DayQuil.

Thursday: Major throat pain when I swallowed…cough drops did NOT help the pain.

Friday afternoon, I came home from work and discovered I had a “sexy” hoarseness…raspy but,  my voice was still steady and fluid.

Friday night, my voice continued to get worse and worse, raspier and raspier…

Saturday: Tada!  I woke up with laryngitis!!! :-/   Very raspy, broken cough, too. Pain in throat=no bueno and I felt tired and weak.   I was home alone and so ended up making myself some chicken broth, vegetable porridge. Very healing. xoxo  However, I had to go to the dreaded Win-Co grocery store for ingredients and that probably stressed my body out so much that I backslid…just sayin’…that place is especially kuh-ray-zee because Thanksgiving is coming up.

Sunday: (*Today…)  It continues…and ooh~~today I am soooo phlegmy…icky icky icky.

Gots ta stay healthy!

I found this one quote on laryngitis… why not?  I prolly DO need to do some more listening…BUT it’s not my fault that I talk a lot!~!~!  I HAVE TO!!! I’m a kindergarten student teacher.

“Skillful listening is the best remedy for loneliness, loquaciousness, and laryngitis.” —William Arthur Ward

November 20, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . Health, High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Resistance

I’ve been feeling resistant a lot lately.  That is, I have been fighting (putting off, procrastinating, doing the opposite, etc) certain things I know I need to do.

Now that I have started my Student Teaching time, I have been instructed to keep a journal of my daily experiences and reflect on classroom time.  Well, whenever I am TOLD to keep a journal…I don’t. 😦 Whu-ohhhhh.  Goodness gracious.  I need to stop fighting against certain responsibilities I have in my life.

Also, along this same vein, my most recent RAW INITIATIVE has been most unsuccessful.  I have been feeling really resistant this time around and I want to pin it to the fact that the women who are running the initiative are so gung-ho about the process that it is causing me to RESIST the process.  Am I backward, or what?!? Or perhaps I feel that in both cases (needing to keep a journal and needing to eat raw foods) there are certain expectations of me that I am scared I won’t meet so I just blow them off completely? Argh*

Time for some internal dialoguing…dun dun dunnnn!  Wish me well.

“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling.  Change the thought that creates the resistance, and there is no more resistance.  –Robert Conklin

Thanks, buddy!  You just saved me at least 10 pages of writing!!! Now I can just jump ahead and figure out WHAT the negative thought is inside me in order to end the resistance.  I honestly think it is mostly related to my perfectionist tendencies…time to go back to my old self-hypnosis books! 😛

September 5, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Sadness is like Yawning…It’s Contagious.

I have been in a sad sort of mood as of late.  Not to the POINT of NO RETURN or anything like that…just…sad.  If I try hard enough to pinpoint the exact time, date, and place of this newfound sadness, I would say it was 5 minutes after watching the documentary (which I have blogged about) The Day My God Died  and has continued on from there with little bits of depressing stories and news fueling my sad feeling flame.

I know part of my new “sadness problem” is that I’ve been “in my head” too much this past month.  But oh boy, I sure don’t know how to get out of there.  My head is the type of place where once I step foot inside, a captivating seductress grabs a hold of me and ties me to a chair where I’m charmed until I go mad.  Hrrmmmm.  Good analogy?  I’ll hafta think about that one some more.

I keep hearing about depressing stuff, though.  That’s the real contributing factor to my problem.  I need to go away to some place far, far away where I can only watch reruns of  Leave It To Beaver and The Wonder Years  for the rest of my days.  Ahhh, wouldn’t that be grand?  I’ll be a happy camper then, fer sure.  Sure, I *might* GO a little berserk…but that’s better than standing in line every month for my Cymbalta… 😕

I watched this video http://www.ted.com/talks/eve_ensler.html earlier today and thought, Wow…insomnia for –3– years. 😦 And then I remembered back to the saddest time in my life when I couldn’t sleep for –3– MONTHS.  Three months compared to three years.  When I think about all those nights I was laying awake in bed, not being able to sleep after having fallen into a deep, dark hole, and tormented by the types of thoughts that keep a person awake through the night, I felt two things:  1) I felt sad about the depressing news I keep hearing about and 2) I felt grateful to have conquered my own difficult life experience.  Life is no box of chocolates.  It’s more like a tool shed…filled with plenty of things that can cut you, disfigure you, cause you severe harm and pain, but is also filled with things that help you improve your situation and lot in life…things that you can use to create beauty and harmony in your life.

I really hope I start picking out those things again soon…and get back on my path to feeling God’s grace, blessings, and seeing all the wonder in our world…and not the ugliness.

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.”–Dale Carnegie

*ugh…I haven’t learned that trick yet, Carnegie…

August 15, 2011. Uncategorized. 3 comments.

Stolen and sold

You know, I’ve been feeling down on myself for the past few days.  Different little things have been on my mind and I’ve been feeling 1) partly sorry for myself, 2)  lonely , 3) frustrated by various life situations that have presented themselves to me as of late.

And then tonight I went to class and my professor showed a documentary about Human Trafficking and I feel rotten for even being the slightest bit disgruntled with my current life situation.  I highly recommend it: The Day My God Died.  Watch this documentary when you want to feel hopeless and miserable and convinced that our world has gone to the poo-hole.  I was stone-faced during its entire 70 minutes but walked out to my car just buzzing with pent up anger, emotions flooded me and about two minutes into my drive home, I cried.  And cried.  And cried.

The documentary looks at the child sex trade in India and Nepal.  It was filmed in –2003–. Can you believe that?!  Eight bloody years ago and I’m only now aware of it because my professor showed it in class.  Otherwise I would still be blind and dumb to the fact that INDIA is most likely the HUB of child sex slavery in the world. With a population of over A BILLION people, I suppose it makes sense just because of sheer numbers…

At this point, I am confused, frustrated, and wanting to go to a kickboxing class for a few hours.  Why are there so many sickos in our world, people?!  WHY!? These women (mostly YOUNG girls from 7-14 years old) are all contracting HIV and living horrid lives.  Is having an argument with my father significant AT ALL after watching a video like this?  Let’s think about our lives for just a minute and then realize that NOTHING is important when so many lives are being stolen and sold and then repeatedly tortured~~ for pennies.  The average “customer” pays only (US) $2.00 per RAPE.  Pathetic and sickening that other “human beings” <–and I am using those words SOOOOO loosely — can sexually enslave young girls and women IN THE 21st CENTURY and nobody can stop them?  What the hell is wrong with our world?  Anyone?? CAN ANYONE ENLIGHTEN ME, PLEASE?

I want to help them. http://www.maitinepal.org/ is an organization that houses and rehabilitates the GIRLS if and when they are freed from their enslavement.  I send my utmost respect to Ms. Koirala.

I got this from Humanrightsteam.org…just to let y’all know that it isn’t all about the ladies anymore.

– Traffickers are … family members and friends of the trafficking victim. A six-year-old boy, Mohammad Mamun, was taken from his poor Bangladeshi parents by a neighbor, and ended up in a foreign desert land being exploited as a camel jockey. Mamun is one of hundreds of young Bangladeshi boys who are trafficked into the United Arab Emirates (UAE) either after being abducted or sold by impoverished parents to human traffickers.

July 18, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 2 comments.

…Back to the Gym :-o

I have finally taken it upon myself to go BACK TO THE GYM!!!! YAYAYAY! ((insert hoorahs and clapping sounds here)) :mrgreen:

I decided to go to the 24 Hour Fitness near my home since they have a special deal for students and well, that’d be me! Plus, it’s close (5 minute drive). Plus plus, they have a pool, etc., etc. (It’s very ooh la la).

My first time was yesterday. Now, *usually* the way it works is a fitness center will offer a person a “Free 7-day Pass,” right? 24 Hour was so packed yesterday when I went in at 10:30 a.m. that all five of its Membership Reps were helping other people. But, the girl at the front desk was really cool about it and said, “Well, go workout first and then come back and you can talk with someone.” 🙂 So, that’s what I did. However, when I was finished, all five of them were still swamped and talking with people AND there were more people waiting in line to speak with a Rep! ❗ I guess everyone else in the High Desert had the same thought as me, The time to start working out is: NOW! <—I suppose. 😕 So, instead of waiting around, I just walked out. 😆

Take Two: I went back today, earlier–a whole 30 minutes earlier. 😀 And well, there was only one Membership Rep and she was helping someone else so a different yet equally cool Front Desk gal told me to workout first and then go and talk with the Rep. Welllll, after my workout the Rep was on the phone and then started helping people who were waiting before me. Soooo, I said to the gal, “Welll, I’ll just come back tomorrow and talk with someone.” She smiled and said, “Sure!” while waving me on my merry way. So, off I went.

I am figuring that this scenario could potentially continue for a good month. HAHAHAHAHA 😆

Actually, I’m figuring that if I hadn’t even told the gals that I was there to speak with a Membership Rep, I could have just “slid by” between the people I was walking in with both times. 😆 Not that *I* would DO SUCH A THING!*!*!*!* Just sayin’.

On a more informative note…this 24 Hour has all the newest, fancy schmancy gym equipment around! I should take some pics…everything is very sleek and very 22nd Century! 😆

Being back in a co-ed, HUGE gym has brought on a slight feeling of culture shock, though. I had forgotten about all of the “buff dudes” who pump iron for hours and waddle around the gym with their duck gaits. Before going to Korea I’d had a membership at Total Women Gym and Day Spa for years…so being around so many guys while working out is kind of trippy. Just different, I s’pose. And my gyms in Korea were always really old, (but cheap!) dilapidated places where only elderly people and I would work out. 😆

I shall see. I suppose I’ll go back tomorrow and see what happens.

“I think I might skip the gym membership and buy a Bosu Ball.” –Yours Truly *^_^*

June 21, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , . Health, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Going Within

My mother used to tell me, “Stop chasing after an answer and go within.”

You see…I used to be quite the Guru-(cough, cough) chaser. Yah. I am not proud of it, but that’s how I USED TO be…

My obsession with gurus, and seeking and finding my *truth* began in college. Sophomore year. I don’t know what it was…I suppose the planets aligned “just so…” to make me start feeling a longing…a deep question from within that I felt I needed major answers to.

Golly gee, there’s been so many gurus (and one cult) that I followed, read books by, and attended seminars with that I probably couldn’t recount them all in a tidy laundry list here and now. Perhaps that should be my goal for my next blog? 🙂

Anyhoo, what has gotten me thinking about all of them and how I USED TO be (key wordssss) 😀 are all of the email newsletter lists I still subscribe to from so many people touting ideas for X, Y, and Z. And ya know, I don’t think I need any more ideas about X, Y, or Z, let alone P, Q or R nowadays. I am hunky dory about going along life’s meandering trail without their help, ideas, musings, etc.

So, what did I do this beautifully HOT morning up in California’s High Desert?? I UN-subscribed to a dozen (at least) email newsletters!!! And what a HUGE weight I released off of my shoulders! It’s amazing how E-junk can weigh me down just as easily as REAL, PHYSICAL, ACTUAL Junk in the Real World (JRW) . Ya know?

I’m glad something hit me this morning and made me understand that everything I need *IS* within me. Just think…all these years…mom WAS right. *sigh*

And if you DO want to know more, feel more, be more, see more (OK, I’ll stop being so sibyllic…) then GO WITHIN and start meditating/praying/staring at candles<–not joking…those practices will all help you get to a higher state of mind. 😀

“Because our entire universe is made up of consciousness, we never really experience the universe directly we just experience our consciousness of the universe, our perception of it, so right, our only universe is perception.” –Alan Moore

June 14, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Health, High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

The California Basic Education Skills Test (CBEST)

I went and took the CBEST nearly a month ago. ((((I PASSED!!!!)))) ❗  PARTYYYYYYY!  WHOOOOOO!  heehee :mrgreen:

It was an early morning call time. 8am. My information paper said that everyone was expected to BE THERE at 8am. WELL. I’ll share with all of you future CBESTers that it’s great if you are there at 8am but *my* proctor didn’t even start passing test  materials out until 8:30. And then my TEST actually started at 8:50am after my proctor had finished reading her little schpeel to us about the procedure for the test.

Every prospective California educator (even prospective school counselors and psychologists, I believe) needs to take the CBEST. It’s a test that is meant to “assess educators’ basic reading, writing, and mathematics skills in the English language.”
(As I quote from their website *^-^*) http://www.cbest.nesinc.com/index.asp Check it out if you are interested…
La la laaaa

I started studying for my test a month before. I borrowed the KAPLAN study guide for the CBEST from my library. The book recommends starting to study one month before your test date. So, I was right on par! 😉 I strongly recommend that book for anyone who doesn’t feel über confident about his/her Math/English/Writing skills. I felt weak about my Math skills…so I practiced problem after problem after problem on all of the practice tests I could get my hands on. And look what happened to me–my Math score was higher than both of my Reading and Writing scores! HAHA 😆 Go figure…

In my opinion, I feel that the State of California has gone overboard with all of the burning hoops prospective educators need to jump through in order to become a teacher. Especially nowadays when jobs are scarce to none. Hmph* I’s is just-uh sayin’, tha’s all. 😐

So. One test down. Four to go. The CBEST was the bargain-priced test costing only $41.00 as of February 2011. I have three subtests within the CSET (California Subject Examinations for Teachers). Each subtest costs $70.00 to take. (So, $210.00 for my March 2011 test date) Each subtest tests on more than one subject. I’ll be tested on Reading, Writing, Literature, History (CA, U.S. and World), Science, Math, P.E., Human Development, and Music. And then I have to take the RICA. That test costs $130 for the written part. And I’m not even sure if I have to do both a written test and a video performance test which would be additional money. RICA stands for: Reading Instruction Competence Assessment and it is supposed to measure people’s abilities to teach Reading in the classroom. More about all of that fun stuff later.

March 28, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , . High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 3 comments.

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