What you think about…

So. Today I wore the awesome new shirt my darling sister sent me from America. The Land of Fantastic Clothes. 😀

Buuut, the one thing about this oh-so-cute shirt is that it rides really low in the back. And well, I don’t have the world’s sexiest back. What with my 16-inch-long scar traveling down my back…a scar that has staple markings all alongside of it…and it red and raised. Not too attractive. I am aware of this.

But, I absolutely love the shirt and its ruffles and so I said, “to hell with ‘it'” and wore the shirt to work today. And I didn’t think about my scar until I went back home for dinner and while doing my post-meal “check” for food bits, etc, I noticed my scar…and I thought, “Hmm. It looks redder than usual. Was it THIS noticeable all day long???” Not one person said ANYTHING to me all day long about my scar. I realized that fact when I noticed my scar after dinnertime and became self-conscious about it. So, I became SELF-CONSCIOUS about it. And I went back into work trying to keep my back away from people but it’s kind of impossible to do that when I must walk around a classroom checking homework–essentially having to put my back toward some students while I check other students’ homework. Sooooo, wouldn’t cha know that 3 of my students in my last class of the day commented on my scar.

The first girl told me I had a “zipper” on my back. I smiled and said, “yes.”

The second girl said, “yes! a zipper.”  Then, a couple of the boys wanted to get a closer look at it…running up to me to see it closely.

I smiled again.

One of my oh-so-endearing boys exclaimed, “OUCH!” and told me  that I looked like a scary monster. I said, “Well. I’m OK.” And he said, “yes but people see you on the street and are scared.”

Little shit. But, to console myself I reminded myself that he’s the same little pork chop who had told me in a previous class that I was “heavy” and that I couldn’t drive a race car (in the same sentence). I ♥♥♥♥LOVE♥♥♥♥ teaching in Korea at times.   (Oh, forgive my sarcasm…)  But, oooh!

But, anyway…I began to wonder…hmmmmmmmmmm.  (((Insert thinking bubbles here)))  If I had NEVER  noticed my scar and become SELF-CONSCIOUS about it…perhaps my students wouldn’t have said anything? Perhaps they sensed my insecurity about it? Who knows. All I know is that energy is a powerful thing. And my energy probably waned after I saw my red, raised, bumpy scar down my back.

Just throwing some of my ethereal thinking out there for ya.   xoxo      And venting at the same time. 🙂

“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”  — Henry Rollins

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May 12, 2010. Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. Sher replied:

    Shirt looked BEAUTIFUL on you, Daling!!
    Remember, you’re dealing with little kids..not adults
    😉
    LOL

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