Addiction

What a fabulous post title, right?!? ;-)

I decided to keep it nice and simple.  No frills.  No cutesy talk.  I’m feeling blah right now.  I would like to attribute my blah feelings (general malaise, really) to the high pollen count and my allergies, but really…truth be told…I am coming off of chocolate.  And not very gracefully.  I am imagining a drug addict in my mind right now–someone so desperate for a hit of their favorite X,Y,Z…

My latest “fix” has been Lindt Milk Chocolate.  It is soooooo creamy, smooth, and satisfying.  A very dear, well-meaning friend gifted me with a bar for V-Day, and well…since I have been wallowing in my single hood and not dealing with my recent break-up adequately, I inhaled the bar in two days.  A bar has about 24 small rectangles?  I  never actually stopped, unwrapped, and counted…but it is a good estimate.

Oh lordy.  This stuff IS classic!  Yummmmo!

Oh lordy. This stuff IS classic! Yummmmo!

Today after work, I sat in my “office” :-) and thought about chocolate.  I thought about it soothing me and comforting me.  I thought about a few mini Lindt rectangles melting on my tongue and fully inhaling the flavor of the chocolate.  Mmm.  I digress.  I told myself YESTERDAY that I am going to quit cold turkey this time and there would be no “weaning myself off of” the creamy decadence.  *sigh*   I have battled chocolate addiction in my past and have conquered it.  (It’s odd that I’m drawn to the milk varieties lately–I’m usually a 70% dark chocolate kind-of-gal…)  I know many people have chocolate daily, but for me—at this point in time, I have realized that I am wanting to use it as a crutch and an emotional comfort.  No bueno.  So, the solution is to remove it from my diet for a while, deal with my emotions, and then…re-introduce it in the future. :-)

This, too, shall pass.  Alleluiaaaa.

I WANT CHOCOLATE!~!~!~ :-?

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” –Charles M. Schulz

February 24, 2014. Tags: , , , , , , . 2014, Health. 1 comment.

Racy Topics in the Jacuzzi

I was working late last weekend and decided to go against my rule, “Don’t go to the gym late on a Friday or Saturday night” (Pick-up scene for all the hot studs pumping iron) and my even more important rule, “Don’t go into the jacuzzi at the gym past 7pm on those nights–EVER!” ;-) However, since I was tired and sore from sitting on my butt lesson planning all day (YES! I got a job actually TEACHING and using my very expensive teaching credential), I decided to “chance it” and GO.  I threw on my swimsuit, drove over to the gym, swam a bit, and then decided (at 7pm!!!) to go soak in the jacuzzi.  

There were a couple of people (in their 50′s-60′s) in it and neither was talking much, so I thought it would be safe to go in and not have to worry about being bothered.  Those people got out and left a few minutes after I got in and a guy in his 20′s and a man in his 50′s took their places.   I am always nervous about the conversations that will be started in the jacuzzi and usually deny people eye contact (not that doing so always works at keeping them from talking to me).  

I was staring off into space and stretching my tight leg muscles when all of a sudden the older man (let’s call him Larry) began to talk.  THANKFULLY he directed his query to the younger fellow (let’s call him Jim).  Well.  Larry ended up asking Jim if he was a “believer” and if he had “been saved.”  Jim responded awkwardly and mumbled something I couldn’t really hear.  The next thing I know Larry began telling Jim about how he needs to get married and settle down with ONE woman because that is heaven on earth.  LOL.  Jim was floating in the jacuzzi looking mighty confused and stumbling over his words, but being awfully polite.  The next thing I knew…Larry lunged toward Jim and jumped on him giving him a big bear hug!!! I could hardly contain myself.  I fortunately had already been soaking for 20-ish minutes and decided to leave at that point.  

I couldn’t help but smile as I left… Here all this time I have been worried about being “hit on” in the jacuzzi at the gym!!! Not around these parts in the High Desert, I guess!!! I suppose I should start to be concerned about the Christian Evangelists, though!!!! :-P

I bet I could write a reallllly interesting story based on the conversations that take place in that jacuzzi. ;-) TBC…

Stay relaxed, y’all!! 

September 7, 2013. Tags: , , , , , . High Desert Life. 1 comment.

STUCK

I am stuck.  Haven’t blogged in months.  I have been having lots of experiences that people would imagine would make me want to blog…but I just have not had the desire or the energy.  I think city life is sucking mine out of me.  Make sense?  

First, ever since I completed my teacher credentialing program, I have felt a loss.  The entire program had instilled such fire within me to be an educator and to fulfill my “life’s purpose” of being a teacher.  After moving up north to the Bay Area, I have not felt any fire within me, but rather have been experiencing the kindling smoking and making me gasp for air with the thought of entering an urban classroom.  What has happened?  Is teaching in an urban area that much different than teaching in a suburban one?  I suppose so.  My toughest days in my suburban classrooms have looked like scenes from a cute Disney movie compared to my experiences in urban classrooms.  So, what have I gone and done?  I have given up on teaching and thinking that I could be a teacher.  

Now, I feel like the sad soul who went through law or med school and now works at Petco… NOT that I work at Petco, thank the Good Lord…but, eh~~~ close enough.  My work does not fulfill me. I know this.  Unfortunately, instead of using that knowledge to ignite my fire again and look for teaching jobs, I am stuck in apathy.    

Now all I have to Google is “getting rid of that apathetic feeling…” and move on with my life.  Right?  :-/

 

March 26, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Challenging Times in Romance Land

Romance is a tricky thing.  I looked up an article today to educate myself about how to more effectively communicate my desires for my partner to do certain “tidying up” things around the apartment more often.  Why must you spend the time looking up such trivial things on the Internet, you ask me in boredom??  Well, it is because, as I have been constantly reminded by my partner, I come off as insulting whenever I do it “naturally/on my own”–without the help of strangers who write Self-Help columns for people with relationship roadblocks to constantly jump over. People like me.

All I want is for my partner to DO these things…NATURALLY…like I do.  Is this too much to ask in life?  Say for example, when I see that the contents of our recyclables container are about to spill over…I take it out.  I recently began to take it very personally and began feeling insulted that I am always (except once) the one to take out the recyclables.  I began telling myself, Well, there is no concern for keeping our apartment tidy, now, is there? or Well…someone must certainly be impressed by how the recycling container never gets too full. WOW.”

So, thankfully the first article I pulled up was this great piece:

http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/03/18/can-i-use-loa-to-get-my-husband-to-take-out-the-trash/

And now I realize that I have been equating the lack of household chore participation with a lack of care and/or respect for me.  How terrible.  :-(  Now all I need is the follow-up article that discusses lots more tips and tricks to use in order for me to change my thinking.  Wish me luuuuuuuck.

“The world only goes ’round by misunderstanding.”  –Charles Boudelaire

October 24, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2012, Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Miessence and Me

Well, you know I am always doing my best to incorporate healthy foods into my diet and treat my body right.  Welllll, okay.  Not all the time. ;-)

I have been feeling kind of blah and haven’t been fueling my body with the best foods available to me.  Stress= CHOCOLATE!  Loneliness=COOKIES!   Occasional boredom=MORE CHOCOLATE!   I know that I need to get my eating habits cleaned-up once again. Sometimes my diet is so pure and I feel like a rockstar, other times I let my diet sink into a trash-can-sort-of-state and I feel like a roly poly.

I, as many people know, used to be (key words there…) a raw foodist.  Even though I am not a hardcore raw foodist these days, I still keep up with certain websites and friendships I’ve developed.  Anyway, I have a great friend (whom I’ve never met) ;-) in the Philippines and she always sends me information about new products/retreats/etc. that she hears about through her work if she thinks I might be interested.

So, to make this long blog shorter…she got me in contact with a woman here in the states who sells certified organic health supplements from Australia. Oh, the world is so small now! http://kvorganics.mionegroup.com/products/productDetail.jsf?item=15101

I contacted the woman, Lacey Swartz and she sent me three samples.  After using InLiven and Deep Green (two of the products) for a month, I noticed a few things:

1)  I do feel better.  Who knows if this is the placebo effect or not.  I am fine with it being either way, since how I feel is most important       to me.

2)  After using InLiven, I would have to go to the bathroom a lot.  I honestly think it’s because it has organic spirulina in it and I know spirulina always makes me go to the bathroom a lot.  (I’m talking every 20 minutes…)  Haha.  It’s supposed to be really healthy for people and regulates body fluid levels by removing excess fluid.  I guess I am just soooo full of excess body fluid whenever I consume it.

3)  Deep Green has a strong “green” taste, so I found that when I mixed it with cacao or carob it was muuuch better! :-D It is alkalizing for the body because it has a bunch of different greens in it and I found that I felt really clean after I consumed it.

Both of these powders do have their own “green”  flavor, so I enjoyed them a lot more when I added them to my banana/green  smoothies.  They go really well with bananas.  I got three samples:  InLiven, Berry Radical, and Deep Green.  I will write about Berry Radical next time.  ^-^  So far, so good.  I really like the products because they make me feel healthy.  Lately, my diet hasn’t been where I would necessarily *like* it to be, so these powders are a super easy way for me to get heaps of nutrients into my diet while eating less clean than desired.  Oh yah!

Here’s an oldie, but goodie:

“The wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings. Let food be your medicine.” –Hippocrates

June 7, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . 2012, Health, RAW!!!!, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Ummm, What Just Happened???

WARNING:  This blog is kind of a weird one.  Read at your own risk. :-p

It was 5:30 a.m. on Saturday (my official SLEEP-IN DAY)  when I woke-up to go to the bathroom. (groan)  After I went, I was able to fall back asleep quite quickly for me and ended up having such a peculiar experience, which I am about to share with you.

So.  Since I officially woke-up at 7:30-ish, I am figuring that it was 7:20-ish when I was aware that I was dreaming (although who really knows how much time passed throughout this whole experience I am blogging about?!?!?)  All right.  Here it is:  Here goes nothin’…

In my dream, I can remember being in my dad’s house, but the house was empty of everything–and the color of everything was all washed out–a kind of off-white, cream color, but it was as though I was looking through a sheer white curtain– and I was moving from one room to another in a very sci-fi movie kind of way…buzzing/flying almost…but my legs were glued together and I was moving in and out of rooms as though I were on a super fast conveyor belt (invisible conveyor belt…) from the kitchen to the front room–and I saw images of my father’s house flash before me and the walls were bare, and the color was pale/washed out, and I was the only one in the house.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW I was conscious of my body vibrating and I had a pressure in my ears as though I were on an airplane about to land (or take off, I guess) and my body could not move and I was shaking a bit, from what I remember.  Oh boy.  It was intense.  It was a really strange feeling.  My eyes were closed.  (I don’t think I could have opened them.)  I know I was laying straight/flat in my bed.  I remember thinking, hmm…I am aware of my mind, what I am feeling, my confusion, wondering what the heck was going on, but all the while being completely aware of all my bodily sensations.  I felt a pressure against my body as well.  Okay…am I freaking you out yet?

All I can say is that at first I wondered if I had been astral projecting?  But, after much research I discovered that I was lucid dreaming!~!~  AND I experienced sleep paralysis!~!~  SO COOL.  I am so cool.  I am 1 out of 10, y’all!  1 out of 10.  heehee   I was definitely not planning on lucidly dreaming Saturday morning…I wish I would have written down what I’d eaten the night before…my mental state when I went to bed.  Hrrrmmm.  Now that I know what I did I’m not that scared and kind of want to do it again.  ^^

“Dreams are more real than reality itself, they’re closer to the self.” ~ Gao Xingjian

May 17, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2012, Dreams, High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

2012…Ay yie yie

2012 seems to be a really crumby year.  OK.  I should be more positive.  It is a year that is, ahem…less than stellar that others. Better?  Eh~  I feel fake saying that.

I personally know several people who have suffered very difficult/rotten things and we are only in month four.  Eep.  Watch out, folks.  Guess we are being prepared for the rapture after all…

To boot, I feel really out of whack these days.  Anxious.  Weary.  Confused.  (In a state of confusion, I should clarify…)  I almost feel at times that everything is surreal and I am dreaming it.  All this crapola is beginning to bug me.

To help calm and medicate myself, I have begun eating chocolate in mass quantities.  It might be partially to blame for me feeling like a looney toon.

Anyway, I was talking with a friend recently who shared that her sister has been hearing voices (from ABOVE).  Important: Her sister has a very intense prayer life.  I am going to bump up my prayer life so I start hearing voices (from ABOVE!), too.  Perhaps the voices will tell me to stop eating so much doggone chocolate…

Until then.

I must include a tidbit from Einstein:

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony;  In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

April 12, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . 2012, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

2012

Hrrrmmmm.  2012.  Hrrrmmmm.

I do not feel as though a “new year” full of endless possibilities has arrived.  Strange?  Kind of.  I have never had this feeling before–ever.  In the past, whenever a “new year” has come, I have felt a change.  Small, medium, or huge…I always felt a shift of some sort, a newness, and as though I had a clean slate.  What’s different about this year?

Possibilities:

  • I am just about finished with my Teacher Credential Program…but I feel as those I am stuck in the middle of it still.  No newness there.
  • My life feels very stagnant…even though I know intellectually 2012 will bring a lot of changes in my life, I am in a space right now where I can’t see over the divide.  Does that make sense?
  • I am still battling issues I was battling 10 years ago…mind you, not in the same way or as intensely…but still fighting the good fight (possibly wearing down).
  • I am on the fence as to whether or not 2012 marks the final year of our world as we know it.  Part of me believes that come December 21, 2012…we will all be goners.  The other part of me remembers Y2K and thinks, “La la laaaaa.”

All of those reasons and probably 5 more that I’m not thinking about right now… 2012 just seems like a blah year. :-P

I don’t want to be negative!  It just doesn’t feel energetically charged with happy stuff, that’s all.

““So the Myan calendar ends in 2012. So what? My calendar ends in December. I just buy a new one.”
― Mr. Youngblood, Geography teacher

Cute.  Hopefully we will all still be around on the 22nd of December to laugh about it then, too.

January 8, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . 2012, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Laryngitis? Me? Never! Well… now, I guess. :-?

I started my Student Teaching seminar in late August and since then I have been sick four times.  UGH.  What is UP  (or should I say down?) with my immune system??!   I have had three sinus infections (gee…am I experiencing deja vu???)  and now, I have laryngitis. :-o Seriously?  I have never had laryngitis before.  It’s kind of a tricky illness.  My body isn’t achy…I *am* tired…but the main trouble of this illness is my very sore *sore* =ouch=pain=discomfort=tightness=no bueno throat and lots of pain when I swallow…a pesky cough that is often phlegmy when it wants to be (Oh, I know…TMI)…and well, a raspy voice that cuts in and out.  Reeeaaaaalllly weird.  You know?  I will start to talk (which, I KNOW I’m not supposed to be talking) and I will feel as though I’m speaking normally but not a whole lot comes out. :-( Boo hoo hooooo.  I can’t talk!~!~!~!~  What a frightening experience.  I mean, Imma be a teacherrrrr.  Teachers need to do quite a bit of talking…Ay yie yie. :-(

Then of course I am thinking paranoid thoughts and am caught up on this girl I encountered while I was working as a Site Coordinator for a Parks and Recreation office years ago.  She and her fiance were getting married at one of my park sites in town.  Well.  I had never talked with her, only her mother.  Her mother, however, informed me that her daughter had a vocal cord disorder and couldn’t speak normally.  I was on-site during their marriage ceremony and could hear the girl talking into a microphone and it sounded like she had laryngitis!!! But,  laryngitis every day of your life?!?!?!?  How frightening.  It sounded as though she was fighting to get words out.  Lord.  Please don’t let that happen to me.  Amen.  <–Quick little prayer.  Say it with me–Amen!  Oh my goodness.

Oh, this poor woman from the '40s suffered just like I am. I feel ya sista'.

I need to kick this laryngitis stuff in the tushy.  Acute laryngitis lasts for three days or less.  This is Day Two for me.  Cross your fingers that the constant, nonstop warm ginger-lemon-honey tea I’m drinking will cure me.  Today is Sunday.  Lemme break my laryngitis experience down for y’all in case you’re ever in a similar situation:

Tuesday night:  TERRIBLE throat pain when I laid down in bed to go to sleep.

Wednesday: Woke up in total body pain (very flu-like feeling ) and a sore throat…body pain subsided after I was up for 1 hour.  Sucked on cough drops throughout the day and took DayQuil.

Thursday: Major throat pain when I swallowed…cough drops did NOT help the pain.

Friday afternoon, I came home from work and discovered I had a “sexy” hoarseness…raspy but,  my voice was still steady and fluid.

Friday night, my voice continued to get worse and worse, raspier and raspier…

Saturday: Tada!  I woke up with laryngitis!!! :-/   Very raspy, broken cough, too. Pain in throat=no bueno and I felt tired and weak.   I was home alone and so ended up making myself some chicken broth, vegetable porridge. Very healing. xoxo  However, I had to go to the dreaded Win-Co grocery store for ingredients and that probably stressed my body out so much that I backslid…just sayin’…that place is especially kuh-ray-zee because Thanksgiving is coming up.

Sunday: (*Today…)  It continues…and ooh~~today I am soooo phlegmy…icky icky icky.

Gots ta stay healthy!

I found this one quote on laryngitis… why not?  I prolly DO need to do some more listening…BUT it’s not my fault that I talk a lot!~!~!  I HAVE TO!!! I’m a kindergarten student teacher.

“Skillful listening is the best remedy for loneliness, loquaciousness, and laryngitis.” —William Arthur Ward

November 20, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . Health, High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Resistance

I’ve been feeling resistant a lot lately.  That is, I have been fighting (putting off, procrastinating, doing the opposite, etc) certain things I know I need to do.

Now that I have started my Student Teaching time, I have been instructed to keep a journal of my daily experiences and reflect on classroom time.  Well, whenever I am TOLD to keep a journal…I don’t. :-( Whu-ohhhhh.  Goodness gracious.  I need to stop fighting against certain responsibilities I have in my life.

Also, along this same vein, my most recent RAW INITIATIVE has been most unsuccessful.  I have been feeling really resistant this time around and I want to pin it to the fact that the women who are running the initiative are so gung-ho about the process that it is causing me to RESIST the process.  Am I backward, or what?!? Or perhaps I feel that in both cases (needing to keep a journal and needing to eat raw foods) there are certain expectations of me that I am scared I won’t meet so I just blow them off completely? Argh*

Time for some internal dialoguing…dun dun dunnnn!  Wish me well.

“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling.  Change the thought that creates the resistance, and there is no more resistance.  –Robert Conklin

Thanks, buddy!  You just saved me at least 10 pages of writing!!! Now I can just jump ahead and figure out WHAT the negative thought is inside me in order to end the resistance.  I honestly think it is mostly related to my perfectionist tendencies…time to go back to my old self-hypnosis books! :-P

September 5, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . High Desert Life, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

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